Back to the Real World

After spending over a month in my hometown, I figured it was time to stop living off of the kindness of my family and actually go out and try and support myself. I love where I grew up. I didn't at the time, but I love it now. It was a great place to grow up. But for me? It's just not a place to grow old. It's just not me. I could not wait to get back to LA. I am so glad that I took some time in Pennsylvania to really feel it out and not make any decisions right away. I am so very lucky to have people who take care of me that allowed me the chance to do that. But, I did book a flight and came back to Los Angeles.
I do not have a job, I do not have a place to live (I have a place to stay, not a place to live), I do not have a car (although I have a kind friend who is lending me one) and I barely have any money.
Seems dire, doesn't it? Then why am I so unaffected by it? I have no idea. My anxiety derives from the fact that I have no anxiety about the current state of my life. Isn't it weird? Anxiety arrives from outside pressure, the constant questions about my lack of employment does wear on me. One thing I did not miss about America is the only question to begin a conversation with is "what do you do?" So many other things are happening that have nothing to do with my unemployment. I am reuniting with friends, surprising them, enjoying the view of the mountains and the palm trees and the sunsets. Nobody asks about those things, because they don't result in a paycheck. And for the millionth time, I AM NOT GOING BACK TO TOO FACED! Why in the world would I want to come back to the exact same life? That's not the point of starting over. Too Faced supported me for a long time, even after I left the country and I have a feeling that those gals will be supporting me for the rest of their lives emotionally. Professionally? We've out grown each other. We broke up, but we're still friends. Super wish everyone would accept that.
So where am I looking? I am looking around. Let's just leave it at that. In the meantime, stop and look at a sunset, call an old friend and catch up instead of just 'liking their status,' sit and people watch for an hour. I will find a job, I will make money to support myself. Right now, I'm just enjoying life in America. There is a roof over my head and there is (a lot) of food in my belly. So much more than so many.