A producer, Andrew calls me and sets me up to work backstage at a celebrity benefit cabaret for Breast Cancer Research. I was to be at the Avalon Theatre on Monday (this past one) at 8am and would be there probably close to midnight.
I left super early because LA traffic and all that. So I got to the theatre early, no small feat for Jenn and I was the first of the crew to arrive. Andrew looked a little surprised to see me. So let me list the people who were involved in my day so you can refer back to the list as I name drop:
Andrew - Producer
Brenda - Stage Manager
Amanda - Asst. Stage Manager
David - Andrew's assistant
Steve - Crew
Lili - Crew
Dingbat - Crew (this is not her real name, but it's appropriate, believe me)
Todd - Musical Director/Genius Pianist
Jerry - Director
Jason - Choreographer
Terrell - One of the backup dancers
Celebrities:
Miss Dakota - A local burlesque dancer
Jean Smart - Star of Designing Women, Sweet Home Alabama, etc.
Deborah May - Character actress, best friend of Jean Smart
Adam Busch - Known from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and other TV shows
Eric Kufs - A guitarist for Adam.
Barrett Foa - Star of NCIS, Los Angeles
Peter Porte - Star of The Young and the Restless
Brandon Barash - Star of General Hospital
Melissa Peterman - Star of Reba, comedienne
Sam Harris - Star Search Champion from the 80's, known for "Over the Rainbow"
Steven Weber - Star of Wings, Studio 60, etc.
Peter Gallagher - Star of The OC, While You Were Sleeping, American Beauty, etc.
Chris Mann - Contestant on "The Voice" Season 2.
Judy Reyes - Star of Scrubs and Devious Maids
Ana Ortiz - Star of Devious Maids
Sharon Lawrence - Star of NYPD Blue and Rizzoli and Isles
Bruce Vilanch - Writer for the stars on the Oscars, Emmys, etc.
So as I was saying, Andrew was a little surprised to see me. I forget that in LA 'on time' means a half hour later. I met Brenda, the stage manager and sat down watching the crew begin to build the set. One thing about union workers, they will not let you lift a FINGER to help them. I appreciate that about them.
I first met David. He was Andrew's assistant for the day. He was born in the Ukraine and moved to New Jersey when he was young and moved to LA a few years back to be an actor. It was fun to have someone to speak Russian with.
Lili arrived next. She was also an actor but worked in property management locally.
Dingbat arrived next. She had one of those obnoxious names that is usually common, but she spells and pronounces it differently? I immediately disliked her.
Steve arrived last. Chatted with him for a bit and he's from Old Forge, PA. Are you freaking kidding me? That's where our family restaurant is. Can't get away.
Once we all arrived, Brenda took us on a tour of the theatre. It was 3 floors. On the top floor was Jerry Lewis' original dressing room when Martin and Lewis used to perform there. It was quite large and had a balcony and a bar overlooking the stage out of view of the audience so that people could watch the show. Below the stage was the long underground path for actors to enter from stage right as well as all of the business offices of the theatre. Out in the lobby, the President of the Breast Cancer association was helping the designer decorate the lobby with feather boas. There was a crazy hustle and bustle going on and everyone was busy.
The morning consisted of a lot of sitting around and watching until the 'talent' arrived. But that was okay. Brenda said she needed someone reliable to do the mics backstage. I had it in my head that this was the job for me, but dingbat spoke up sooner so she got the job. Annoying. Andrew showed us headshots of the people performing so we could memorize their faces. There were only a few I didn't know but I didn't want to show off.
Dingbat knew none of them, shocker.
The band started to set up and they were amazing as they did their run through. Unfortunately, this was the time Brenda wanted to do the cue to cue and as we were on stage with the band, we could not hear her. This was a problem. She and Todd argued back and forth but eventually came to a compromise and we waited. Todd finished the band's rehearsal and Andrew ordered lunch for all of us. David ran and got us Chipotle bowls. Yum!
After lunch was when we started to get busy. The 'talent' started to arrive and one by one started going through their numbers with the band.
(I should mention, Les Girls is an annual cabaret benefit. The lineup of celebrities changes every year but everyone sings, usually a funny/filthy song, or an old song with updated funny/filthy lyrics. It's for a great cause and there is a lot of "MONEY" in the audience. There is a silent auction held in the lobby before the event, red carpet out front, etc.)
As the talent arrived I would show them where to park, where the dressing room was, let the band know they were there so they could schedule a run through etc. It was busy and a lot of running around. But FUN!
I think my favorite moment was when Jerry, the director, asked Dingbat her name. When she said it he said "I don't have time for that. From now on you're Mary." I literally LOL'd. She wasn't too pleased.
Dingbat also kept going up to all the 'talent' and saying 'now where do I know you from? Nope, not that...what else?' Like do these people really need to prove themselves to you? Oh she just annoyed me all day. There were a lot of backup dancers running around too as they were appearing in numbers with Barrett, Peter and Judy and Ana. One of the dancers, Terrell, was the funniest, cutest little gay boy. He started joking around with me and soon I had a BFF for the day as he went everywhere I did. We broke for dinner around 6:00. They ordered in a bunch of pizza. (Well, LA pizza, so...you know...) The show was scheduled to start at 8:30pm. Everyone had rehearsed and was ready and they were setting curtain call at 8:15pm. Nice to know that the last minute thing happens everywhere. Sam Harris could not arrive until exactly 8:30 and he had to leave by 9:30. So that was stressful.
Once the show began, my job was to run upstairs to the dressing room, get the performer, escort them down to the stage, get them mic'd by Dingbat and get them to their entrance spot with their props during the song before theirs. Thankfully, everyone was very nice and very professional.
The only stress came when the show didn't begin until 8:45 and Sam Harris was scheduled to go on at 9:45. Seeing as he had to leave at 9:30 this was a problem. They switched the entire program around. But this guy? A TRUE professional. He had NO rehearsal, hadn't even met the band. He came in, got his mic on, went on stage, KILLED it, brought the house down, came off stage, took off his mic, thanked us all and took off. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! I loved it.
I think my favorite part was standing backstage watching the performances with the people who were about to go on. Melissa Peterman killed it singing "Making Whoopee' with only a foam finger as her prop. Then I stood backstage with her and watched Miss Dakota dance and we joked around how we could never do that.
Sharon Lawrence sang a hilarious song "A Man I Could Love" from the musical "Enter Laughing" by Carl Reiner.
Steven Weber sang another hilarious song called "Blow Me...a Kiss" that apparently Martin and Lewis used to sing. It was pretty filthy so it was hilarious.
Jean Smart and her friend Deborah May sang a funny duet called "The Grass is Always Greener."
Bruce Vilanch sang "Get Me to the Church on Time" with some Prop 8 adjustments. I spent a lot of time with him and he's just so fun to be around.
But by far, my favorite was Peter Gallagher who sang "Anything Goes" with some updated lyrics talking about how shitty Congress is. He was absolutely the nicest person. He stood backstage and chatted with the crew for a while. Dingbat kept asking him to name movies he had been in until she had heard of one. Smh...
Anyway, as he was leaving, we walked out together and I got a photo with him. A little blurry, but still. He's just the sweetest guy.
Finally, the finale was happening and the evening was over. Despite the stress during the show backstage, the audience loved it and didn't see any of the troubles. Brenda and Andrew were very happy and walked us all to the bar to do a traditional 'the show is over' shot of vodka. We had survived.
We got to take a seat for a while and have a few drinks and then we helped clean up backstage. Again, couldn't touch anything on the stage or tables or anything else so we just helped wardrobe and clean up garbage and stuff like that.
I was exhausted! I hadn't been on my feet that long in years but it was exhilarating. At the worst moment (that more than likely had to do with dingbat) I was still having a ball. I have to figure out a way to make this my career and do it for a living.
So that is my mission. So all y'all asking what's next for me? It's this. ALL this.
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